'I feel nothing'    
The shock can make you numb, you may feel you're in a different world

'Why did it have to happen?' 
Death can seem cruel and unfair, especially when you feel someone has died before their time or when you had plans for the future together.

'I feel such pain'
Physical and mental pain can feel completely overwhelming and very frightening.

'I go over it again and again'
You can't stop thinking about the events leading up to the death.

'If only'
You may feel guilty about things you have said or did or that you didn't say or do.

'I feel so depressed, life has no meaning, I can't go on'
Many people say there are times after a death when they feel there is nothing worth living for and they feel like ending it all

'They said I'd be over it in a few months'
Many people find it takes much longer to learn to cope without someone to love.

'One minute I'm angry and the next minute I can't stop crying'
Many people find the mood swings very frightening.

These are all very common and natural feelings and thoughts to go through when you have lost someone you love.

There are 5 stages to grief.

Denial=   They cant be dead.

Bargaining = I would give anything to see them again praying,promising to do all sorts of things to see or hear the person again.

Anger = Well I am sure I don't need to explain this but most people do not realise that it is okay to be Angry when someone you love has gone,and it is very common to be Angry at that person for leaving you,it is how we deal with this Anger that is most important for us.

Depression = I don't care any more if I live or die. Depression is also Anger turned inward sometimes.

Acceptence = Is when we accept or loss,this may take years and for some it never happens.

All these stages do not come in that order,on any given day we can go through them all and may never know what way they will come.

These are just guidelines so you will know what you are feeling and being aware of your feelings is very healing.

                    Helping children cope with the death of a loved one.

How do children react when someone dies? There is no 'right way' to react when someone dies and every child will respond differently. If you are caring for a child it may help to know what many children say, think and feel when someone important to them dies, and examples are given below. But don't be surprised if the child you are caring for finds it difficult to express how they are feeling - remember that many children cope remarkably well.

Why did it have to happen?
Explanations are very important but children may need to ask the same questions over and over again. It will take them time to accept what has happened and the death may seem very unfair to them. They may be very angry that someone they care about has left them.

What if you aren't coping?

Sometimes, the grieving process is especially difficult. Some people may find it impossible to acknowledge the bereavement at all, which can mean that their feelings are not worked through properly. Others may be unable to move on from their grief, making it impossible to rebuild their lives. Certain factors can make a difficult bereavement more likely:

• being male
• several previous bereavements
• a history of mental illness, such as depression, anxiety or previous suicide attempts
• a dependent relationship with the person who has died, or a relationship where you had troubled or negative feelings about the deceased
• low self-esteem
• a lack of support from family and friends

Bereavement can also cause particular problems for the bereaved in certain circumstances around the death. These can include:

• a sudden or unexpected death
• the death of a parent when you are a child or adolescent
• miscarriage or the death of a baby
• death due to AIDS or suicide
• the death of a co-habiting partner, same sex partner or partner from an extra-marital relationship, where the relationship may not be legally recognised or accepted by family and friends
• a death involving murder, legal proceedings or media coverage
• deaths where the bereaved may be responsible
• situations where a post mortem or an inquest is required
• more than one death at once (for example, in an accident)